Facebook should be renamed Fetusbook. You see through more pregnant bellies than some OB/GYN offices in this country.

My husband and I made a decision to keep our children off social media. Being that we are both digital/tech professionals, we are figuring out a way to keep all the milestones digitally but privately.

Being a public figure and hiding the fact I was pregnant during my most busy time of the year was nothing short of a Christmas miracle. Perhaps justifiably or not, I fear people judging my ability to keep my career on track with an impending baby on the way.

I thought it would be pretty cool to never mention I was pregnant and then just show up on Fetusbook… I mean Facebook one day with a new addition. Perhaps even on April Fool’s day, showing a picture of myself with a really pregnant belly. Yet this year unlike the decades before, this would be no joke.

I’ve noticed that I’m not the only person with this plan. Since being pregnant I’ve learned that there had been two of my friends who gave birth without anyone on social media knowing the wiser.

Impressive. I have a blueprint!

BUT I WANTED TO BE FIRST! DAMNIT.

Everyday, a new friend on Facebook is announcing their impending bundle of joy! Their due dates are very close to mine.

I look at the screen and quietly say, “Hey, me too!”

I’ve definitely left some publicly veiled clues. A pregnancy test in my last music video. A hidden picture of a matching sweatshirt and onesie. Nothing blatant, but subtle. If you are in your zombie social media consumption mode, you will definitely miss it.

My mother had remarked to me once that I’m not an average person. That I was extraordinary.

“Why is that mom?”

“Because you are so old in having a baby! No one has a baby this old.”

Thanks Mom. Thanks for reminding me that judgement is everywhere, even in our closest circles, forget our “friends.”

Mum’s the word.